Check out this gallery of photos from our trip to Singapore and Nikoi Island!

Nikoi Island

On occasion, and with greater frequency as I get older, I feel the urge to say “fuck everything” and disappear to someplace far removed from the self-absorbed idiots that populate my commutes, television, and local government. But whereto?

One long-running candidate is Inselfjord, the understated natural wonder that surrounds the island of Hitra, birthplace of my Norwegian grandmother. Figured, by the time I’m of retirement age the climate will have shifted enough to be accommodating of margaritas in January, and I’ll know enough of the local language to qualify for citizenship and unassailable social security.

Another serious contender is Pisco Elqui, a tiny village skirting the Chilean altiplano where the skies are eternally blue, the steak for dinner is sleeping outside my cabin, and the namesake concoction puts the “free” in carefree.

But my money is on Nikoi Island.

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First comes the 14-hour flight to Tokyo. Then comes the 7-hour flight to Singapore, followed closely by a 55-minute ferry ride across the South China Sea to Bintan, Indonesia. There, a guide will help you process your visa-upon-arrival before escorting you to a limo for the hour-long journey to Kawal, where a speedboat awaits to transport you to your final destination. Do not underestimate the significance of this timeline.

Stepping onto the sands of Nikoi beach immediately extinguishes any lingering memory of government shutdowns and disappointing baseball seasons. Open to guests only since 2007, Nikoi can host a maximum 60 persons in 15 villas of varying sizes scattered over 15 hectares.

It’s not for everybody. For the 99.9%, there are the glitzy 5-star resort monstrosities that line the beaches of Bintan. For the rest, like you and me, there’s Nikoi: simple and elegant landscaping, solar-powered residences, locally sourced cuisine, and small-batch gin unfamiliar even to me. All at a fraction of the cost of the Disneyfied crap 8 km away.

What you do expend goes toward the work of The Island Foundation, which funds a range of conservation and education programs throughout Bintan. This culturally-attuneddevelopment ethic is apparent in the management philosophy that stewards Nikoi: all but two of the resort’s employees are Indonesian, and they have strong input in the visitor experience.

When I first visited Nikoi in March 2010, I had the good fortune of meeting Yogi (Captain Scallywag), Yudie, and Jimmy. They are the principals in Yogi’s Band. Nirvana is a key western influence, but mostly they are folk singers. Sure, the drinks are strong. Yes, the ocean water is sublime. And of course, the coconut tastes like silk. But when our boat pulled up to the dock and I saw Yogi and Yudie waiting to greet me and Alex with Texas-sized smiles and hugs, I remembered why I pined to return here in the first place.

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Nikoi Island is not perfect. Look no further than the British and German accents that tend to disturb the ambient cascading waves and screeching mating calls of unseen beetles. But there are methods only known to native sons of New Jersey to deal with problems such as these. I’m quite confident of my early retirement plans.

I’ll leave you with a recording of Yogi’s Band. Jimmy is the singer, Yogi is the percussionist, and Yudie is the guitarist. I probably should have just posted the track in lieu of this blog. They say it all better than I can.

It’ll be really sad to say goodbye to the Nikoi crew when Alex and I leave tomorrow for Singapore. But we will be back faster than you can say “fuck everything.”